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My twin daughters, Rose and Violet, both born on Valentines Day exactly 18 years ago today, were at our backyard pool getting sun and swimming laps. It was unseasonably warm even for South Florida.
This was their day, and for the three of us, an even more momentous day each year then Christmas, New Years Eve, or the Fourth of July. At least at our house it was a festive day.
As had been the case for 14 of the last 17 years, this evening was going to be one of much celebration and once again, I was going to be their date.
At noon I served lunch, a homemade guacamole, soft tacos and pulled pork with a sweet salsa I’d fashioned out of some chipotle peppers, brown sugar, vinegar and other spices. The girls ate everything and finished two pitchers of lemonade sitting under the big umbrella that covered our veranda’s picnic table. Rose burped.
“Excuse me daddy,” she grinned.
Violet rolled her eyes as she and I both knew Rose, the more outgoing of the two, liked to draw attention to herself. But that was only at home and just between the three of us. At school, ballet and music lessons, she was equally as reserved as her sister.
Both excelled at all three aspects of their lives outside of our home, but neither would brag nor flaunt their talent in the least bit at school or in public. Inside the house however, was a completely different story.
Many nights I would have to play the diplomat’s role of ameliorator when the two of them competed to see who was farthest along in their dance routines, their music lessons or who got the best report from their teachers. I, of course, didn’t mind and was often amused as they struggled to put forth their best efforts to show off their latest accomplishment.
It had been this way for the past four years and I think their shyness outside the house had something to do with the way the community expressed its condolences when their mother passed shortly after they entered their teens and right after they passed puberty.
Even puberty gave them temporary bragging rights as one began menstruating first and then as their breasts began to grow and their hips began to flair it became a race that ended when they both wound up looking exactly like one another, body size and all. The entire hubbub about the onset of puberty however, was set aside as first the fear of losing their mother and then, when she passed, their grief, consumed them.
It changed them both, and markedly so, for two years. But with counseling and a concerted effort on my part, they learned that life goes on and were soon back on the road to recovering their lost youthful enthusiasm and vigor.
I did the best I could as a single parent, completely devoting myself to their growth and maturity, both to ensure they had the necessary tools for life and to help me overcome the loss of the person I loved as much as I loved life itself. It worked, as each year became less painful for me. I found I lived vicariously through Rose and Violet’s accomplishments and surprisingly, I liked it just fine. Their world became my world, and in doing so, their world became our world. They had me at their beck and call and I would not have it any other way.
“Daddy! Where’d you go,” Violet asked?
“Oh, sorry darling, I was just thinking how lucky I am to know you two and how honored I am to spend this grand day with you both.”
“No you weren’t Daddy,” Rose said. “You were thinking about Mom.”
“Rose, you hush your mouth,” her sister said.
“It’s okay honey. I was being a bit wistful.”
“See,” Rose snapped.
“I know Daddy,” Violet said in a very quiet voice. “You must feel terribly alone.”
“Hah,” I retorted. “How can I possibly feel alone with the two of you buzzing around like bees looking for flowers?”
“Don’t joke Daddy. I miss her too. I wish she were here to share this day with us, like she used to,” Violet continued.
“At least,” Rose offered, “she was alive and well for our thirteenth. Remember how much fun that was?”
“I do remember,” I said. “But you know this is supposed to be a day of celebration, not one of melancholia.”
“God, I love that word,” Violet said. “It fits my mood perfectly.”
“Oh great,” Rose said, standing and unwrapping the towel from around her shoulders. “Violet is blue. I’m going back for more sun.”
“Very funny,” Violet said.
“Don’t stay out too long,” I warned.
“I won’t Daddy, but I want to look super special in my new dress for tonight.”
I turned back to look at Violet. She had her chin resting on the backs of her hands, looking at me with what can only be described as a look of helplessness.
“I do miss her,” I confessed. “But Violet honey, the two of you more than make up for the emptiness. Believe me. I love the two of you with every cell and bone in my body.”
Violet just smiled a wry, small smile that indicated “nice try bub”.
I busied myself cleaning up, occasionally glancing down at Violet, but left her alone with her thoughts. After I took everything inside, and cleaned up the kitchen, I went into our bursa escort music room as we called the family room, strummed my late wife’s harp, and sat at the piano to play some chord progressions and to reminisce.
“You’re in the minor keys Herr Beethoven,” Violet said as she entered the room.
“Hmmm. I guess I was, wasn’t I,” I realized as I slid a bit to the side of the piano bench to make room for my daughter to sit with me.
She unwrapped the towel she’d been wearing around her wet suit, folded it and set it on the bench and sat down. She immediately leaned her head on my shoulder and asked me to keep playing.
I had been playing for about ten minutes when I felt a warm liquid soak through my shirt.
I stopped playing, turned to look at my daughter’s face and saw her eyes closed with a trail of tears dripping down her cheeks and onto my sleeve. I hugged her and began a rocking motion I knew she liked, back and forth from side to side and back, all the while squeezing her tightly to my shoulder.
After a few more minutes she sighed, opened her eyes and smiled up at me.
“I love you Daddy.”
“I know sweetheart. I love you too.”
“Yes you do Daddy, and that’s what keeps me going.”
I played for a bit longer, but the mood was too somber for this wonderful day, so I immediately broke into some Leon Russell.
Violet looked up at me and laughed. Not a laugh of humor, but one of understanding at just how odd the hands we’re dealt throughout life temper what could be a beautiful existence if death and tragedy did not come to visit from time to time.
Then she dropped the bomb.
“Daddy! What do you do for sex?”
Wow. Just like that my relationship with my daughter changed and changed forever.
“Well honey. I don’t really do anything about sex. It truthfully has been so far from my realm of desire; I can’t say I remember even wanting a woman in the past five years.”
“Why is that?”
“Because I have taken my responsibilities seriously and to even think of venturing back into that world, would take away from the tasks at hand.”
“Are Rose and I the tasks at hand?”
“You bet you are.”
“Are you angry about that?”
“My lord no. What on earth would make you ask such a question?”
“Well for one thing, I’m not naïve. I may be mostly inexperienced, but anyone with their eyes and ears open in this day and age, knows what sex is. It’s everywhere for goodness sake.”
I looked at my daughter in a wholly new light. Here was half of all I loved in the world, my daughter, a schoolgirl still, and just like that, we were having an adult conversation about my sexual activities or, more correctly, my lack of sexual activity.
“Listen Violet. This is very hard for me to talk about with you.”
“I don’t know. It just seems so sudden, and by the way, just how much experience do you have and when did you ever find time to get the experience?”
“Rose and I have been experimenting for some time now.”
“You and Rose?” I asked with an incredulous tone to my voice.
“Yeah. Me and Rose.” “Wow.” I was at a loss for words.
“Are you mad Daddy?”
“No I’m not mad.”
“Its just that from time to time, we do a bit more than just snuggle on cold nights.”
“Okay. This may be more information than I need to know.”
“We’re not lesbians.”
“What’s odd Daddy?”
“Even with the thought of the two of you “experimenting”, it still would never even enter my mind that fooling around like that would make you lesbians.”
“We’re not. It just seems somehow to release tension and help us cope with the stress we feel from the way we run our lives.”
“Honey, I never meant to stress you or your sister.”
“Oh Daddy. It’s not you that puts pressure on us. Rose and I pressure each other to excel at what we do.”
“Why?” I asked.
“Don’t know really. It may be that it began after we started coming out of our grief over mom.” Violet thought for a moment.
“Yeah,” she continued, “I think that was when it started. The exhaustion we feel at the end of each day helps us go right to sleep so we don’t have to think about what might have been.”
“And just how old are you my ancient sagacious one?”
“Oh silly. I’m eighteen today though you may be right. Sometimes, I feel quite a bit older than my friends at school and dance.”
I played a couple of one handed broken chords trying to gather my thoughts and let sink in what my daughter was telling me. Then the obvious question manifested itself.
“Why are you telling me this now?”
“Well,” Violet paused, “for one thing, like it or not, we’re all adults now and I wanted to get it off my chest.”
“And for another, my being a little bit intimate with Rose has caused us to start thinking about you.”
“Uh, that might not be healthy sweetheart,” I offered, stalling for time.
“Oh, I don’t mean we lust after you. It just seems so unfair, that you give up so much for us.”
“It is certainly not unfair. bursa escort bayan It would be unfair of me if I shirked my responsibilities toward you both and I might add, would be unfair to the memory of your mother and what we both hoped for even before the two of you were born.”
“Okay. That’s cool. But,” and here she paused for a moment to gather herself, “for goodness sake Daddy, you absolutely must start having sex again.”
“Because,” Rose whispered stepping into the room, “we want you to.”
“How long have you been standing there,” I asked?
“A while now. You’re not mad at us are you Daddy?”
So what does a parent do when an offspring, no longer a child, tells you they are beginning to experiment with sex? Not only do they tell you their “secret”, they tell you in the same sentence that you too should be having sex. Wow. Once again, I was at a complete loss as to how to handle this conversation and even more confused about where this was headed.
“Hmmmm,” I sort of responded.
“Daddy,” Violet repeated. “Where on earth do you go when you disappear right in front of us?”
“Yeah, Daddy! This,” Rose added, “is important stuff. We need you to pay attention.”
I guess I got told.
“So,” Violet went on, “what do you think we should do about getting you a lover?” “I don’t need you to do anything for me. I seem to have been able to find the most beautiful woman on my own.”
“Oh, you mean mom,” Rose suggested.
“Of course I mean your mother. I took one look at her and knew that I would have to have her or die.”
“Have her,” Violet asked?
“You know what I mean.”
“Know we don’t,” Rose added.
“Well, I certainly don’t mean in a predatory sense,” I defended.
“Are you sure,” Violet questioned?
“Truthfully, it was so many years ago, I’ve forgotten my motivation. I just know this, when I saw her in the orchestra, wearing that black dress, her hair pulled back into a pony-tail, with her head leaning against the harp, I forgot completely where I was and why I was there. The conductor had to wait a minute to begin the piece…
“Beethoven’s sixth,” the girls exclaimed in unison.
“Yes it was, it was the sixth, and I knew as I played I needed to hit every note perfectly or that beautiful woman at the harp would not think of me as special.
“You are special Daddy,” Rose sighed.
I blushed. “To you right now, that may be the case, but you’re my daughter, correction daughters, and I think you probably feel obligated to think that way.”
“Nonsense,” Violet added. “You are the perfect man. If you don’t find a lover soon, I’m going to be your lover.”
“Me too,” Rose added. “In fact, I hope you don’t find someone so I…”
“We,” Violet interjected.
“I mean we,” Rose continued, “so we can be your lovers. I think that would be the absolute most romantic thing in the whole of the universe.”
“I do too,” Violet agreed. “I’d even go so far as to say, it would be the perfect description of romance, like something out of mythology.”
“My, my, my,” I mused. “Certainly you two are way more romantic than I imagined. I almost agree with you, but then I think, hmmm, how could we manage in a society that frowns on anything that even smacks of an unconventional life?”
“So you’d consider it,” Violet asked with just a hint of apprehension in her voice?
“Not a chance. What time is it,” I asked?
“Two-o’clock,” Rose said.
“Uh-oh! I’m late for my nap.”
“Will you sleep on it? This is the perfect day to begin our love affair.”
“Ha-ha,” I laughed. “You mean all these years you haven’t loved me until today?”
“No popsy,” Rose corrected. “Of course we love you, but this day should be the start of our wonderful love affair where we consecrate our union, with the blood of virgins.”
“Oh god you guys. You certainly have the most unbelievable imagination. But you know what the answer has to be in the end.”
“Sleep on it Dad,” Violet commanded.
“I’m going back out in the sun,” Rose said.
As she left the room, Violet looked up at me and kissed me on the temple so gently, I thought a wind had whispered something in my ear.
“I’m going to play my cello for awhile. Is that okay?”
“Of course it’s okay. In fact, it may be the best idea you’ve had all day. At least it is the most sensible idea anyway.”
I stood and had just made it to the door, when Violet said, “Pleasant dreams my charming prince. See you at four. “
Uh-oh I thought. This may be the strangest day of my life, no our lives, by the time midnight rolls around.
Within two minutes of stripping off my clothes, I was sound asleep, lulled by the air-conditioner’s hum. And then I dreamt…
I dreamt of enchanted forests with sprites and other creatures playing beneath a canopy of green
I dreamt of satyrs and maidens
I dreamt of the entwinings humans have invented for their sexual congress
I dreamt of music and the various ways people dance
I escort bursa dreamt of the Roman baths filled with senators and their consorts celebrating spring
I dreamt of the Wicker Man
I dreamt of grapes and wines and huge platters of meat
I dreamt of rock-n-roll and Chevys and levys
I dreamt I was spying on a woman combing her hair
I dreamt I saw cupid wink
Then I dreamt of my daughters.
I dreamt I floated in the air above their bed and watched them bring each other pleasure
I dreamt Rose drew a bath for Violet and acted as her maid in attendance
I dreamt they pressed their breasts up against each other
I dreamt they danced without clothes
I dreamt Violet was playing the same low note, over and over on her Cello while she peed on the floor
I dreamt Rose sat astride a huge white horse and rode it amongst a herd of buffalo
I dreamt Rose was crying “Daddy. Daddy. Please hurry”
“What,” I asked in my dream?
“Please Daddy. Please, please come here, please…
But why would I dream that?
“Daddy,” I heard her cry again. “Daddy, please wake up.”
Then I realized; the dream was over.
I jumped out of the bed and ran down the hall to their room. Rose was sitting at her vanity holding her bikini top up to her breasts. I saw it was untied.
“Daddy. I fell asleep. Look at my sunburn.”
With that she dropped her top and I could see how the sun had turned her red all over.
“See Daddy. See how my boobs are all red.”
Holy shit. I’d been looking at my daughter’s naked breasts.
“Rose honey,” I stuttered. “Please cover yourself now.”
“But Daddy, it really hurts.”
“I’m sure it does. By the way, where’s Violet?”
“She went down the street to get me some aloe.”
“Here I am Daddy,” Violet said as she came into the room slightly out of breath. Her brow furrowed, as if she was trying to make sense of all that was happening.
“Okay honey,” I said. “Before you put on the aloe, you need to take a hot shower to bring oils to the skin.”
“And Violet,” I turned to her sister, “help her with the shower and don’t use any powders or deodorants, perfumes or other product after. Pat her dry.” Then turning to Rose I saw she was holding her breasts, examining each one, lifting first one then the other, gingerly, with little tears running down the cheeks of her face.
I turned my face away to the side. “Rose honey, it’s going to be okay. At least it’s February and I doubt it will hurt for more than a day, two at the most.”
Rose started bawling. “I know Daddy, but I can’t wear my new dress tonight and I so wanted to look beautiful for you and Violet.”
Violet knelt down in front of her sister, lifted her face and kissed each eye. “You are beautiful Rose. You’re the most beautiful woman in all of creation. It’s just,” she chuckled, “you’re a bit red is all.”
“Oh great,” Rose sighed. “Daddy, will you mind if I wear something that will cover these?”
Not thinking, I turned back to Rose and saw her holding her breasts as if she was offering them. I couldn’t help it and it was just at that moment that my daughters both began to giggle.
“Daddy,” Rose said. “You’re naked.”
“And you’ve got an erection,” Violet added.
“Oh my god,” I said in disbelief. But they were right. When I looked down, I realized I’d run to their room without remembering I’d been asleep.
I bolted from the room hearing them laugh all the harder as I turned into my own room and slammed the door shut.
An hour later, Violet knocked on my door.
The door opened and Violet peeked her head around the frame. “Are you decent?”
“Very funny,” I responded. “I’m so sorry about earlier.”
“Don’t worry Daddy. We’d both been trying to figure out ways to see your, um shall we say package, since we began thinking about you and sex.”
“You mean you guys tricked me?”
“No and we didn’t have anything to do with you being naked. Rose really wasn’t hurting as much as she let on though. I think she wanted you to see her breasts. She’s much more of an exhibitionist than I.”
“Okay. So, as I said earlier in the day, this is so much more than I can even fathom at the moment. First my daughters turn eighteen, then there is like this whole unknown side of them I’d never even suspected and, would have bet against if anyone would have ever suggested the two of you were as sexual as you seem to be today.”
“Does it bother you that we’re that way, or does it excite you?”
“It confuses me.” “But you were excited seeing Rose’s breasts earlier. That fact, you cannot deny.”
“I’m so embarrassed about that whole thing.”
“Why? If we ever worried about your health in “that” department, all concerns were dispelled earlier.”
“Honey. I’ve never had dysfunction in that department.”
“So why don’t you take that handsome fellow out for a ride once in a while?”
“Ha! Easier said than done. And besides,” I paused, “I just don’t have the time with the schedules we keep.”
Violet looked at me, or rather through me, sighed and stood up from where she had been sitting.
“I came to remind you to be ready for dinner. It will be served at eight o’clock sharp.”
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