Now Starring Ch. 05

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I got past the read through with Mollie barely containing her fury, and Phil smirking at me the entire time. David was off in wardrobe, so he was spared the awkwardness. I waited for him outside his trailer and when he finally showed up I grabbed him.

“Look, I have a problem,” I said ushering him inside.

“And that would be?” he smiled.

“I can’t do this love scene with Mollie,” I continued.

“Oh come on! I know she’s not your favourite person, but you are an actor, so act!”

“The problem isn’t that I don’t like her,” I admitted, “first thing is that I’ve never done a love scene before…”

“Really? I’ve done a few, they aren’t that sexy so don’t worry about anything ‘coming up’ during them.” David sat on the edge of the day bed, and regarded me silently for a moment, “there’s more to this isn’t there?”

“The thing is I’ve never made out with a woman, ever.”

“Well you still won’t be, it’s make believe, John,” he replied, “besides it’s very much like making love to a man.”

“I would suck her dick, then fuck her in the ass while fisting her cock?”

“Um, no,” he laughed, “OK so it is a bit different. But what do you want me to do about it?”

“I don’t know!” I paced the length of the trailer, my brain going a top speed, “maybe you could show me?”

“Show you how?”

“Well, ah,” I stammered trying to put my thoughts into words, “you could pick up one of those groupies of yours and let me watch?”

“Absolutely no way, I’m not doing that!” David stood up, “and you’re just going to have to find your inner heterosexual and do something like rent a porno, like most boys do when they’re curious.”

“Would you watch it with me?”

“Don’t you think that would skew your research?” he laughed.

“This isn’t funny,” I protested.

“Then you obviously are missing the joke,” he replied, “you’re a big strong man afraid of touching a little snip of a woman? John, if you really want to be a method actor, that’s your business, but I’m not going to sleep with someone just so you can do research.”

“How about giving me some pointers?”

“All right,” he opened the door to the trailer, “try ‘Debbie Does Dallas’ it’s a pretty good starting place.” With that he walked out of the trailer, turned around to flash me a smile and walked back into the studio.

As I watched him leave his words about doing a few love scenes played in my mind. I know he had done a couple of movies before joining the show; maybe one of them was out on DVD? If I could rent one of those, I thought, I could get some ideas.

After the day’s rehearsal I went to the local video shop, I asked the guy behind the counter for some help looking for one of David’s movies, as he looked up the information on the screen the guy made chit-chat, “So have you seen this guy’s recent series on the telly?”

A curious mix of having a bruised ego and relief that he didn’t recognise me from the same show played in my head, with relief winning out, “Yes I’ve seen it,” I answered.

“My girlfriend thinks he’s really sexy, she just put up his poster in our bedroom, it’s disturbing going to sleep with him watching me.” He joked.

Seems heavenly to me, I thought, but instead just bit my tongue. After a while the computer search found the DVD and I rented it and took it home.

The movie was a period piece, seeing David dressed in tight breeches and a long fitted waistcoat was quite a turn on, but I really wanted to see the love scenes. I fast forwarded until I found one, it was pretty graphic, and I have to say I was breathing heavily only a few minutes into it.

Even though I knew he was just acting a role, it was very reminiscent of the real thing. I watched as David’s character bend to take the woman’s nipples into his mouth and felt the sensations, as if his lips were on me. When he kissed his way down her stomach and disappeared under the sheets, she moaned as if his mouth was on her, I touched myself. As David’s character’s back arched in climax with the woman riding him my mind flashed back to the way David’s back did the same thing when I made love to him and before I knew it I came.

In a clearer moment, a few minutes later, I began to wonder if he had been that convincing on screen, was he just acting with me? My mind went back to the night of Sonja’s party, and how he had been playing drunk and all the doubts built up in my head. Instead of letting it drive me insane I decided to call David, after about three rings he picked up.

I made small talk for a bit, then dove right in, “I rented one of your movies today…” I started.

“Well, aren’t you becoming quite the fan boy?” he joked, “which one?”

I told him, and then said “And there’s something I need to ask you…”

“If it’s about the contacts, yes they were going for blue eyes, but it just made me look weird,” he countered, “weirder than usual.”

“It’s not that, it’s the first love scene.”

“OK…”

“First let me say it was really good, and it got me off,” I admitted.

David sancaktepe escort started laughing, “You aren’t going to tell me you had a wank to one of my movies are you?”

“Yes, I did. But the part that bothers me is that it was very familiar.” I finally came to the point, and was greeted by a long silence.

“I don’t follow you,” he finally said, his voice wary.

“Since I met you it’s been apparent that you are a very good actor,” I chose my words carefully, hoping to not sound as stupid as I was beginning to feel.

“And you wondered if I was acting with you?” he finished for me, in a completely emotionless tone. Making me wish I could see his face, to be able to read what he was thinking.

“Yes, in a nutshell.”

“Please tell me you’re kidding,” he sighed, “you can’t be serious.”

“I am, completely. Can’t you just answer the question?”

“I don’t know what to say John. If you can’t see by now that I love you, I don’t know what else I can do to convince you. I risked a lot to be with you! I was even willing to sleep with Phil to save your career!” he replied his voice hard and his Scottish accent growing thicker, “I am an actor, yes, but I’m also a real human being. I don’t know about you anymore. You don’t seem to be in the right line of work if you can’t separate fact from fiction.”

Before I could say another word, he hung up on me. I tried calling him back straight away and a few more times before I admitted to myself that he was not going to take my calls. At first I was angry at David for just cutting me off dead, then it slowly dawned on me how I must have sounded to him, and in a painful moment I realised how much I had just hurt him.

I hailed a cab and headed over to his flat. I hoped he was home and that he would see me. I could see the lights on in his flat as the cab pulled up in front of the building. I got out and buzzed the intercom. As it was one with a camera I knew he could see me, as well as hear me. It took a couple of minutes for him to decide to buzz me, during which time I felt pretty conspicuous just standing outside the building pleading to thin air.

David greeted me at the doorway to his flat, completely blocking the entrance, seemingly determined not to let me in, “What do you want?”

“I wanted to apologise,” I started.

I could see the hurt and anger in his eyes, “It’s not that easy John.” He countered, not budging from his post, “You just don’t get it do you?”

“I know I was being a jealous idiot, and I’m sorry.” I confessed, “it’s just I know how attractive you are, and how you could have anyone you want. I think seeing that movie reminded me of that, and I guess I just got insecure.”

“Obviously I can’t have anyone I want,” he replied, still holding his ground, “first Sonja, now you? I don’t think that gives me a very good track record.”

“Do you know that when you get angry your accent gets more pronounced?”

“What?” he replied, confused.

“When you chewed me out, you rolled your Rs like mad and I could see you dressed in a kilt standing on the highlands wind in your hair.”

His eyes grew really wide and then he started to laugh, “Stop that! I’m still very angry with you.”

“I know you are, and I deserve it,” I glanced down the hallway, “can I come in? I feel really stupid standing out here like this.”

David stepped aside, letting me into his flat but I could tell he was still very wary of me. I took a seat on the chair and he sat on the edge of the sofa, picking at some imaginary lint on his jeans “So now what?”

“It’s up to you,” I replied, “I think we could be good together, in the long run. No relationship is perfect, and this is all new for you, being in one with a man.”

He looked me in the eye, and then back down at his jeans, “It’s not just that you’re a man, John,”

“Then what is it?” I asked

David started to say something, then stood up and went into the kitchen, “Do you want a drink?” he called out.

I followed him, “you’re avoiding me. Why?”

He opened the cupboard, took out a glass and a bottle of whiskey, poured himself a drink and then set the bottle down, “I don’t want to get into this right now.” With that he downed the drink in one gulp and poured another.

Before he could take a drink of the fresh glass, I took the glass out of his hand, setting it down on the counter. I took his hands in mine pulling him closer, “Please talk to me.”

David avoided looking directly at me, and pulled away. He picked up his drink and held it up to his forehead for a second, letting the cool glass rest there. Then he took a sip and set it back down, “I don’t really know how to say this.”

“Try.”

He was clearly trying to find the right words, and I was trying to be patient, but frankly the suspense was killing me. After a few minutes I lost it, “Give me a hint!” I practically shouted.

David jumped a bit at my tone, obviously surprised, “Um, well. I don’t think, ah…” he started. Then he stopped, ran sarıyer escort his hands through his hair, pulling at it, and then made a noise of frustration, “honestly this isn’t a good time.”

“Is it about us?” I persisted.

“Yes.”

“Are you unhappy?”

“I just think you and I need to back off a bit. It’s gone too fast too soon, which is clearly my fault. But your possessiveness and jealousy are scaring me.”

“I said I was sorry,” I countered.

“Yes, I know and I believe you, really I do!” he replied, his eyes wide, “but the fact still remains, you really did think I was playing some sort of game with you.”

“I was being stupid, I know but that’s past, honestly!” I protested, stepping in and taking his face in my hands I pulled him to me and gave him a kiss. To my dismay he didn’t return it, his lips unyielding. When I stepped back he moved away, turning his back to me.

“Am I that repulsive now?” I demanded, my anger building. “That’s not fair!” David whirled around to face me, eyes blazing, “I asked you to give me some time, but you pressured me to tell you now!”

“I am getting tired of this running hot and cold stuff, David. You need to make a decision where you want this to end up, because I am not going to wait around much longer.”

He let out a short humourless laugh, “you want a decision now?”

“If you’re capable of it,” I sneered.

“Maybe you should just go,” David said in a very soft voice, his eyes downcast, “I don’t think this is going to come to a good conclusion or a fair one.”

“I deserve an answer!”

“Yes you do,” he agreed, “but you’re not in a mood to listen to reason and I can’t talk to you when you’re like this.”

My rational self knew he was right, but the rage that was building up in me was winning out, before I could stop myself I grabbed him by the shoulders and shoved him back against the wall pinning him with my body. As I outweighed him, his struggles to push me off of him were in vain. I grabbed his hair tightly in my fists and yanked his head back, and kissed him hard, my lips crushing his. He grabbed my forearms trying to push me back but I was much stronger than him. David then tried going totally limp in and effort to slide out of my grasp, but I held him firm against the wall. Finally when he took my lower lip in his teeth and bit down hard, the pain made me come to my senses and let him loose.

The impact of what I had just done suddenly hit me and I bowed my head in shame, I could feel the anger like a heat wave coming from David, but I couldn’t look at him. I heard his heavy breathing and knew I had really screwed up. I closed my eyes waiting for what was surely going to be the sound of the death of our relationship but I dared not look at him. The silence eventually got to me and I glanced at him, he was looking at me, his face totally still, and I couldn’t get a read on him, “are you going to say anything?” I finally asked.

He continued to stare at me for a moment, looking at me like he had never seen me before and wasn’t too pleased to see me now. Then he walked to the door of the flat and held it open, “I suggest you leave, before I do something we both will regret” he advised, his voice completely expressionless.

I started out the door, and then turned back, I got “I’m truly sorry,” out before he slammed the door in my face and I heard him throw the lock.

The rest of that night I went over the events in my head, sleep eluding me. I have never been a violent person yet David brought out that side in me, but why? He didn’t ask for it, and certainly I had to admit, didn’t deserve it. Finally around 2am I got out of bed, and made a pot of tea, resigned to being awake.

When Phil greeted me the next morning he handed me some additional pink sheets and then wandered off to find one of his assistants. I glanced briefly at the script changes and saw it was more on the love scene with Mollie.

I sensed rather than saw David walk in, he barely looked at me before starting to read through the pink sheets in his hand. He got to one of the pages and made a strange sound, and looked over at me, then back down at the script. He stood up and walked over to me, “we have to talk.”

“Now? Are you sure this is the place?” I asked.

“Not about us,” he whispered, “did you read the changes?”

“What?”

“The script changes, John read them!” he sounded really upset, he grabbed my arm and led me into an unused room across the hallway, “page six. Read it!”

I flipped through the pages until I found it. The writers had obviously been busy overnight. On page six, after my love scene with Mollie, her character’s jealous husband discovers us and shoots my character dead. I sat down in the nearest chair with a thump, “oh that bastard!” I sighed, “he has really topped himself now.”

Phil saw all the excitement and strode over, he looked at David and I and a smile spread across his face, “I warned you John, you just couldn’t leave him alone. You just had to carry silivri escort on your little love tryst, even though I told you that he would be your downfall. Pretty boys are never safe, especially pretty boys who are supposed to be straight.”

“I’m right here you know,” David countered, “you can talk to me too.”

“Yes, I know,” Phil looked at David and licked his lips, “good thing you are such a hit with the fans and thus the network brass or I’d toss your sexy little ass off the show too or make you do something to earn your keep. Now be good little actors and get those lines memorised, we begin shooting tomorrow.”

Phil turned on heel and marched off, David looked at me and back at Phil; “maybe I should go talk to him…” he started.

“No, don’t,” I sighed, “he wants one of us to beg to keep me on, he is getting off on this. Don’t give him more ammunition.”

“Are you going to be OK?” David asked sitting down on the table in front of me.

“Depends.”

“On what?”

“Am I forgiven for my asshole behaviour last night? I mean are we OK?” I asked, taking his hands in mine.

“I don’t know,” David stood up, and stepped out of my grasp, “I wish I could say yes, but there was a moment last night when you really scared me. I would like to be your friend John, not just your lover. Do you think that is at all possible?”

“Great,” I sighed, “first I lose my job and then my lover. This day is just stellar.”

“So that’s it?” he leaned in, put his hand on my cheek and searched my face with his eyes, after a moment he straightened up and turned away, “Well, that’s too bad, I think you and I could have been something. I never expected you to just give up.”

With that David walked out of the room and back into the rehearsal hall, joining the others.

Somehow I got through rehearsal, but David made sure to never be alone with me, and my calls to him went unanswered, a few times I was tempted to stop by his flat, but I pictured having to plead to his intercom and I didn’t have the heart to do so. It wasn’t until we actually started filming that I had a chance to talk to him.

I caught up with David just as we were getting ready to film the first scenes. Again wardrobe had out done themselves and the tight fitting suit he had on hugged his body in a way that made me both very appreciative and slightly jealous.

“You never returned my calls,” I stood next to him, watching him reviewing his lines.

He barely looked at me, “what would be the point? I thought you made yourself pretty clear.”

“I was having a really bad day, and I’m sorry I took that out on you…” I started, but before I could continue he walked away, just leaving me there.

After my scenes were done for the day, I waited for him at his trailer. When he saw me his face grew grim and he tried to walk past me without acknowledging my presence, but I was in no mood to be ignored. “You can’t keep avoiding me,” I announced, following him into the trailer.

“I can see that,” he replied, and took off the suit jacket, loosened the tie and sat down to remove his shoes, “what is it you want from me, John?”

“I love you David. And I know I’ve hurt you, and you have no reason to trust me, but I love you with all my heart.”

He undid the shirt, slipped it off and placed in on a hanger, “and that’s supposed to be enough?”

“It’s what I have.” I answered.

“It’s been a long, tiring day, I desperately want a shower and to get into my own clothes, and a drink, and to go to bed, in that order.” David sighed, running his fingers through his hair causing the gelled strands to stand straight up. He walked to the door, opening it and gestured for me to leave, so I did.

When he emerged from his trailer, I was waiting. When he saw me standing there, he barely suppressed a laugh, “you are persistent, I will give you credit for that.”

“Let me at least buy you a drink,” I offered.

“Just one drink,” he agreed, he slipped his jacket on “so where are we going?”

“I thought we could go back to my place,” I suggested, as we walked toward the main road.

David took a deep breath, “no, sorry. That’s out of the question.”

“You don’t want to be alone with me,” I sighed, “is that it?”

“This is a bad idea,” David countered, “forget it. I’m going home. Good night John.”

“Why do you keep running away from me?” I challenged, grabbing his arm to stop him.

“Why do you keep chasing me?” he shot back.

“I love you!”

“You really have to stop saying that,” David replied, almost pleading. Then he yanked his arm out of my grasp, and broke into a half run, half walk, “just leave me alone!”

As he reached the main road, and hailed a cab I caught up to him, putting my hand on his shoulder, “David, please, just listen to me…”

“I said leave me alone!” He whipped around, landing a solid punch to my jaw knocking me to the ground; he stood over me eyes blazing. Then before I could recover my breath, he got into the cab and sped away.

The next day’s filming was to be my last; my big death scene was coming up. David had no scenes that day, so I knew he wouldn’t be there. I had spent most of the night trying to figure out what had gone so wrong with us, as a result I looked like death already, so very little make up would be needed.

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